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 Post subject: Re: Jokes for Canadians
PostPosted: October 24th, 2016, 4:44 pm 
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Joined: February 20th, 2008, 6:05 pm
Posts: 492
Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls in the police to tell them what has happened.
First body: "Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, inspector", says the Coroner.
Second body: "Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."

The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?"
"Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one:
Justin Trudeau of Canada, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.
"He thought he was having his photo taken."


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 Post subject: Re: Jokes for Canadians
PostPosted: October 28th, 2016, 7:59 am 
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Location: Sunny Wasaga Beach
A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. The Farmer had genuinely tried to be friendly to his new mother-in-law, hoping that it could be a friendly, non-antagonistic relationship.

To no avail, she kept nagging them at every opportunity, demanding changes, offering unwanted advice and making life unbearable to the farmer and his new bride.

While they were walking through the barn, the farmer's mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly.

At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head yes and say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, however, he would shake his head, no and mumble a reply.

Very curious as to this bizarre behavior, the pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about. The farmer replied, "The women would say, 'What a terrible tragedy' and I would nod my head and say, 'Yes, it was.' The men would ask, 'Can I borrow that mule?' and I would shake my head and say, 'Can't. It's all booked up for a year.'

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes for Canadians
PostPosted: October 28th, 2016, 11:37 pm 
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Joined: July 22nd, 2002, 7:00 pm
Posts: 1870
I found this timely, because today I was in a store that sells sunglasses, and only sunglasses. A young lady walks over to me and asks, "What brings you in today?" I looked at her, and said, "I'm interested in buying a refrigerator." She didn't quite know how to respond. Am I getting to be that age?

I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse. I can't afford one. So I'm wearing my garage door opener.

I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it.

When people see a cat's litter box they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" Just once I want to say, "No, it's for company!"

Employment application blanks always ask who is to be called in case of an emergency. I think you should write, "An ambulance.'

The older you get the tougher it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL.

The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble..

Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

Some people try to turn back their "odometers." Not me. I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes for Canadians
PostPosted: October 30th, 2016, 10:38 am 
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Posts: 303
Hey Ted, are you Tedster on the FWF?.....cheers


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 Post subject: Re: Jokes for Canadians
PostPosted: December 13th, 2016, 9:59 pm 
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Location: Newmarket, Ontario Canada
Air safety video for New Zealad Air:https://www.youtube.com/embed/qOw44VFNk8Y?feature=player_embedded%22frameborder=%220%22allowfullscreen%3e%3c/iframe

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Present: Slip, Slap and Slop, hide from the sun! Past: Get some colour in those cheeks! Paddle Naked!



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 Post subject: Re: Jokes for Canadians
PostPosted: December 14th, 2016, 9:12 am 
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Joined: November 6th, 2009, 9:37 am
Posts: 558
Location: Kingston, ON
Let me fix that link



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 Post subject: Re: Jokes for Canadians
PostPosted: December 19th, 2016, 10:24 pm 
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Joined: November 14th, 2013, 10:24 pm
Posts: 245
Location: Huntsville Ont.
A site much like The Onion.Trump appoints press secretary


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 Post subject: Re: Jokes for Canadians
PostPosted: March 4th, 2018, 10:28 am 
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Joined: February 20th, 2008, 6:05 pm
Posts: 492
A guy goes into a bar in Calgary, where there is a robot bartender. The robot says, "What will you have?"
The guy replies "Whiskey."
The robot brings back his drink and asks, "What's your IQ?"
The guy says, “168.” The robot continues to talk about physics, space exploration, and medical technology.

After the guy leaves, and the more he thinks about it, the more curious he gets, so he decides to go back.
The robot asks, "What's your drink?"
The guy answers, "Whiskey."
The robot returns with his drink and asks, "What's your IQ?"
The man replies,"100."
The robot talks about the Stampeders, the Flames, the Oilers, Budweiser, and the Leafs.
The man finishes his drink, leaves, but is so interested in his “experiment” that he decides to try again.

He enters the bar and, as usual, the robot asks him what he wants to drink.
The man replies, "Whiskey."
The robot brings the drink and asks, "What's your IQ?"
The man answers, "25."
The robot leans in real close and asks, "So . . . are you people . . . still happy . . . with Trudeau?"


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 Post subject: Re: Jokes for Canadians
PostPosted: March 4th, 2018, 11:38 am 
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Joined: July 29th, 2007, 11:00 pm
Posts: 29
.... and the fellow leaned in & replied to the Robot .... "Well yes, Harper, compared to you, & your "Conservative" reign of hell & the other present lack of alternatives .... Trudeau is just fine ... more flamboyant & willing to try new things than you were & so perhaps there's a mistake or two, which you also made plenty of even as a Robot." :lol:


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 Post subject: Re: Jokes for Canadians
PostPosted: March 4th, 2018, 12:22 pm 
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Joined: October 9th, 2009, 9:52 am
Posts: 852
Location: Toronto Beach(es)
LOL, and that folks is why we avoid talking politics here!


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 Post subject: Re: Jokes for Canadians
PostPosted: March 4th, 2018, 12:36 pm 
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Joined: August 8th, 2017, 9:14 am
Posts: 849
Let science settle it ("things you'd never hear a Conservative say" for 1000, Alex)

http://reason.com/archives/2014/06/13/a ... n-liberals

:-)


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 Post subject: Re: Jokes for Canadians
PostPosted: August 3rd, 2018, 11:43 am 
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Joined: January 25th, 2004, 2:59 pm
Posts: 204
Location: Ottawa
Wicked..... :)


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