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 Post subject: Re: Jokes for canadian
PostPosted: April 3rd, 2016, 11:56 am 
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Yep, gambling for sure...

https://scontent.fmnl3-1.fna.fbcdn.net/ ... e=5783C858

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes for canadian
PostPosted: April 5th, 2016, 5:02 pm 
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I wonder what Hillary thinks about this?

A Tale of Two Cities: CHICAGO and HOUSTON, TX

Population: 2.7 million and 2.15 million respectively.
Median Income: $38,600 and $37,000.
% African-American: 38.9% and 24%.
% Hispanic: 29.9% and 44%.
% Asian: 5.5% and 6%.
% Non-Hispanic White: 28.7% and 26%.

Pretty similar until you compare the following:

Concealed Carry - Legal: Chicago No; Houston Yes.
# of Gun Stores: Chicago None; Houston 184 Dedicated gun stores (plus 1500 - legal places to buy guns--Wal-Mart, K-mart, sporting goods, etc.)
Homicides in 2012 - Chicago 1,806; Houston 207.
Homicides per 100K: Chicago 38.4; Houston 9.6.
Avg. January high temperature (F): Chicago 31; Houston 63.


Conclusion :
Cold weather causes murders. This is due to global warming.

The Democrat National Committee


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 Post subject: Re: Jokes for canadian
PostPosted: April 7th, 2016, 9:12 am 
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Last Saturday afternoon, in Ottawa, Ontario an aide to PM Justin Trudeau visited the Cardinal of the Catholic cathedral in Ottawa. He told the Cardinal that PM Justin Trudeau would be attending the next mass, and he asked if the Cardinal would kindly point out Trudeau to the congregation and say a few words that would include calling Trudeau a saint.

The Cardinal replied, "No. I don't really like the Man, and there are issues of conflict with the Catholic Church over certain of Trudeau's views. Trudeau's aide then said, "Look, I'll write a check here and now for a donation of $10,000 to your church if you'll just tell the congregation you see Trudeau as a saint." The Cardinal thought about it and said, "Well, the church can use the money, so I'll work your request into tomorrow's sermon."

As Trudeau's aide promised, Trudeau appeared for the Sunday worship and seated himself prominently at the forward left side of the center aisle. As promised, at the start of his sermon, the Cardinal pointed out that Trudeau was present. The Cardinal went on to explain to the congregation, "While PM Trudeau's presence is probably an honor to some, the man is not numbered among my personal favorite personages. Some of his views are contrary to tenets of the Church, and he tends to flip-flop on many other issues. Justin Trudeau is a petty, self-absorbed hypocrite, a thumb sucker and a nit-wit. Justin Trudeau is also a serial liar, a cheat, and a thief. I must say, Justin Trudeau is the worst example of a Catholic I have ever personally witnessed. He married for money and is using his wealth to lie to the Canadian people. He also has a reputation for shirking his MP obligations, both In Ottawa and in Quebec. The man is simply not to be
trusted."

The Cardinal concluded,
"But, when compared with Kathleen Wynne, Trudeau is a Saint."


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 Post subject: Re: Jokes for canadian
PostPosted: April 7th, 2016, 12:37 pm 
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Location: Bancroft, Ontario Canada
It's hard times out there, hard times....

-----------------------------------

When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.

Bill and Hillary are having sex again because Hillary can't afford batteries.

Exxon-Mobil had to lay off 25 Congressmen.

Congressmen now spend their days playing miniature golf.

McDonald's has started selling the 1/4 ouncer.

Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.

A picture is now only worth 200 words.


And finally...

Quality of social programs has dropped so low, foreign outsourcing is necessary. When the Suicide Hotline is called, the first question is, "Hello, returning call, Saudi Arabia. So you suicidal?"... and if the answer to driving a truck is yes, they get really, really excited.

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes for canadian
PostPosted: April 12th, 2016, 12:40 pm 
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Posts: 494
A guy is walking along a Vancouver beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub.
A genie appears and tells him he has been granted one wish.
The guy thinks for a moment and says, "I want to live forever".
”Sorry", said the genie, "I'm not allowed to grant eternal life".
"OK, then, I want to die after the Liberals balance the budget and eliminate the debt".

"You crafty little bastard"! said the genie.


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 Post subject: Re: Jokes for canadian
PostPosted: April 13th, 2016, 8:54 am 
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Joined: December 29th, 2002, 7:00 pm
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Location: Bancroft, Ontario Canada
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 Post subject: Re: Jokes for canadian
PostPosted: April 13th, 2016, 9:12 am 
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Posts: 854
Location: Toronto Beach(es)
^ Morning coffee shooting out nose all over keyboard!


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 Post subject: Re: Jokes for canadian
PostPosted: April 13th, 2016, 10:01 am 
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Joined: June 29th, 2011, 7:46 am
Posts: 92
Location: Toronto
haha nice!

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes for canadian
PostPosted: April 15th, 2016, 7:32 pm 
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Location: Bancroft, Ontario Canada
Deliverance Death Sentence


Time passes, and the police finally catch up with the crimes carried out on the Chatooga river during the making of the film Deliverance. Burt Reynolds, the leader of the canoe party, is charged with murder and Festus, the hillbilly hunter is charged with sodomy. If found guilty, both face the death sentence as prescribed by Georgia law.

The judge orders both men to stand.

"Now, you good old boys might think you were just having some old-fashioned fun out there on the Chatooga, but these are very serious crimes. I find you both guilty as charged, and you both will be subjected to the full force of Georgia law. The electric chair for both of you, on the same day."

The fateful day arrives, and both men are brought to the prison warden's office.

The warden asks, "Festus, do you have a last request before we strap you into the electric chair?"

"Ah shore do, warden. Ah'd be mighty grateful if'n you'd play 'Achy Breaky Heart' fur me bahfore ah hafta go to that great big holler in the sky. An' ah want thet retarded kid smilin' an' grinnin' an' joinin' in with his banjo, an' my ole toothless pappy dancin' in time to the music jest like he did with Doolin' Banjoes and all the wardens joinin' in with me a great old singalong, includin' my good buddy Burt here. We'll git to stomp an' whoop it up one las' time, yeehaw, play 'Achy Breaky Heart' fer me!"

"Well, OK. We can do that for you."

"Now, Mr. Reynolds. Do you have a last request?"

"Damn right I do, warden. You can fry my ass first."

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes for canadian
PostPosted: April 18th, 2016, 8:18 am 
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How not to load a boat... the operator here clearly did not keep his head over the center of the canoe (actually boat but canoe-like in behavior since water comes in over the gunwales and eventually everything swamps and goes for a swim... multiply canoe scale and loadings by about a thousand).

https://www.facebook.com/66907311976982 ... 487106514/

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes for canadian
PostPosted: April 26th, 2016, 8:56 am 
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Location: Bancroft, Ontario Canada
If you've had trouble understanding the relevance of pie charts during presentations, here are two that might help.

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This breed has some potential at campsites.

Image

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes for canadian
PostPosted: April 26th, 2016, 9:59 am 
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Location: Toronto Beach(es)
A French Bulldog by the looks of it. Things might have turned out a little worse if the bear on the right hadn't just given him a tap on the first approach. More balls than brains, but he's persistent, that's for sure!


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 Post subject: Re: Jokes for canadian
PostPosted: April 29th, 2016, 10:35 am 
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I'm not sure which breed these are, but they look ready to take on any bear and anything else that moves. Good canoe size too.

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes for canadian
PostPosted: April 30th, 2016, 8:57 am 
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A man driving to work was killed instantly in a traffic accident.

He woke up to find himself burning in hell.

Satan appeared out of nowhere and said, "Welcome to your eternity spent in hell. Here, I and my devils will do everything to make you miserable".

The man said "Well, can I phone my office to tell them why I didn't show up for work?"

"You can, but phone calls to the outside world come at a price. It will cost you thousands of dollars a minute, you will have to wait in line for many days and my devils will be stabbing you with red-hot pitchforks the entire time."

"How about a quick call to the wife and kids?"

"That's no problem. Hell-to-hell is free."


-------------------


A bank robber wanted to keep his identity a secret, but he forgot to bring his mask.

He told everyone in the bank not to look at him or he would kill them.

One foolhardy customer sneaked a look out of the corner of his eye and the bank robber shot him dead instantly.

The robber asked the crowd if anyone else had seen his face.

Another customer staring at the floor said, "Uh... I think my wife got a glimpse."

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes for canadian
PostPosted: April 30th, 2016, 10:28 am 
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Location: Sunny Wasaga Beach
Attachment:
rambler.jpg
rambler.jpg [ 46.41 KiB | Viewed 2473 times ]

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